I am delighted, dear sir, that you have brought this latest demonstration of the semiotics of umbrellas to my attention. The erotic semiotics of the title are certainly worth considering and I shall ask my sister Tara Tatiana to look into these. However, I believe that the more immediate meaning is to be attached to the security provided by a blue water navy.

Yours in learning,

Boris

Much as I am impressed by the depth of your research and your willingness to share crucial insights in simple language with readers like me, I am also suprised that you ignored the latest demonstration of the symbolism of the umbrella in Indian entertainment. I am, of course, referring to Vishal Bhardwaj’s movie ‘the Blue Umbrella’, which won a National Award, but went tragically unnoticed due to its release on the same date as that confused mass of gender-related cliches – ‘Chak De India’. I am now of the opinion that the use of the word ‘Blue’ (a subliminal reference to cinematic erotica) in the title referred implicitly to the Umbrella not only being a symbol of geo-political import, but also as representative of the need for safer practices in these troubled times.

Of course, I may be wrong.